Sex on the D.L.: My Own Personal Story
The title of this posting sounds like it should be a lifetime movie.
So, have you heard about this phenomenon called 'sex on the d.l.'? Well, if you haven't, then let me clue you in.
Apparently this is going on predominantly in the African-American community. 'Sex on the d.l.' is the term being used to describe the huge numbers of married African-American men that are sleeping with men on the side. It was all on Oprah, so you know it's true.
Anyway. Adam Smith had an experience with this on the hard streets of NYC, but I never expected to encounter it here in little old North Cackalacky. Leave it to Durham.
So, I was in Durham getting dinner with a friend when I had the very familiar urge to go and buy some TV on DVD (I'm so over buying movies on DVD, but totally addicted to complete sets of TV series). So I go to the closest Wal-mart. You know. The sketchy Durham one.
Well I don't know if it was the fact that I was holding season six of Sex and the City and The Muppets Take Manhattan in my hands or what, but somehow I was identifyed as a HOMOSEXUAL by this black man who approached me.
He came up to me and asked me if I was from Baltimore. I was wearing a fabulously comfy Baltimore hoody. I told him, 'No, that I had just visited some friends there.'
I then went back to perusing the $5.50 dvds. That's where a normal conversation would have ended.
But noooooo, he kept on asking me questions. "Where did I live?" "What did I do for a living?" "Did I like my job?" Needless to say, I was nervous. He shook my hand and told me that his name was Curtis. He was cute, but that didn't cancel out the fact that his middle name was undoubtedly 'shady'. Wallet still in back pocket? Check! I was totally ready for him to start telling me about a 'FANTASTIC NEW WAY TO MAKE MONEY ON THE SIDE BY SELLING CONSTORTED HOME PRODUCTS' or some other pyramid scheme like that. I was, in no way, prepared for what would come out of his mouth next.
He wanted to know if I wanted to 'go somewhere with him'.
"Excuse me?", I said.
"You know," he replied; looking me over from top to bottom, "I thought maybe you and I could go somewhere together after you finished your shopping."
Realization washed over my brain and I mumbled, "No, thank you." And basically ran my scared little whiteboy ass out of the Durham Wal-mart.
Ya'll...I swear all these fantastic stories of the ridiculous are 100% true! Sooner or later, they are bound to stop happening to me right!?!?!?!?!
So, have you heard about this phenomenon called 'sex on the d.l.'? Well, if you haven't, then let me clue you in.
Apparently this is going on predominantly in the African-American community. 'Sex on the d.l.' is the term being used to describe the huge numbers of married African-American men that are sleeping with men on the side. It was all on Oprah, so you know it's true.
Anyway. Adam Smith had an experience with this on the hard streets of NYC, but I never expected to encounter it here in little old North Cackalacky. Leave it to Durham.
So, I was in Durham getting dinner with a friend when I had the very familiar urge to go and buy some TV on DVD (I'm so over buying movies on DVD, but totally addicted to complete sets of TV series). So I go to the closest Wal-mart. You know. The sketchy Durham one.
Well I don't know if it was the fact that I was holding season six of Sex and the City and The Muppets Take Manhattan in my hands or what, but somehow I was identifyed as a HOMOSEXUAL by this black man who approached me.
He came up to me and asked me if I was from Baltimore. I was wearing a fabulously comfy Baltimore hoody. I told him, 'No, that I had just visited some friends there.'
I then went back to perusing the $5.50 dvds. That's where a normal conversation would have ended.
But noooooo, he kept on asking me questions. "Where did I live?" "What did I do for a living?" "Did I like my job?" Needless to say, I was nervous. He shook my hand and told me that his name was Curtis. He was cute, but that didn't cancel out the fact that his middle name was undoubtedly 'shady'. Wallet still in back pocket? Check! I was totally ready for him to start telling me about a 'FANTASTIC NEW WAY TO MAKE MONEY ON THE SIDE BY SELLING CONSTORTED HOME PRODUCTS' or some other pyramid scheme like that. I was, in no way, prepared for what would come out of his mouth next.
He wanted to know if I wanted to 'go somewhere with him'.
"Excuse me?", I said.
"You know," he replied; looking me over from top to bottom, "I thought maybe you and I could go somewhere together after you finished your shopping."
Realization washed over my brain and I mumbled, "No, thank you." And basically ran my scared little whiteboy ass out of the Durham Wal-mart.
Ya'll...I swear all these fantastic stories of the ridiculous are 100% true! Sooner or later, they are bound to stop happening to me right!?!?!?!?!
posted by John | 10:45 AM
5 Comments:
And by "no, thank you" John really means "yes, please" and they did it in his SUV.
You know, always up for a quick lay he is.
I'm going to tack this on to the list of reasons why I do my best to avoid the Durham Walmart!
I can vouche that this is at least partially true. i got a phone call about it right after we parted ways from barnes and noble and dinner... i thought it was freakin hilarious.
Some Annaconda meat ....mmmmmmgoood
Actually, the whole "on the DL" thing, which is mainly exclusively African-American, has been very well documented and written about.
Go to Amazon.com and search "on the DL" and see all the literature that pops up. It's hardly new.
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