The other night

I looked at you
and I couldn't believe my eyes.
A frown. Saddness. The corners of my mouth suddenly weighted to the floor.
My breath. I was forgetting to breathe.
I exhale and feel as though I may fall to the floor.
Flashback. August night. Goodbye. A kick in the gut.
Time stands still.
In a bad way.
The music is deafened by the buzz in my head.
The people. Slow-motion from my blurred sight.
It is a dream.
Lord, please let it be a dream.
A nightmare.
I walk away.
It is not a dream.
It's over. It's real. It's real. It's really over.
I looked at you,
and I couldn't believe my eyes.

I'm happy for him. I truly am. I want him to be happy...I just wish that he could find that happiness with me. I thought that I was doing SO well. I thought that I was getting over it. I should have known. The dates. The guys at the clubs. The few kisses I had since the break-up. Nothing. Dead. Dry. Empty. The only thing that I could think of in the very moment, as I was kissing someone other than Brian was...this isn't Brian. This isn't the person that I want to be with. Somehow though, I don't think that he was having those same thoughts as he kissed someone other than John......and as much as I know I have no claim to him anymore...it hurts me ever so much.